13 Nov Ask! Please Ask. It’s ok!
I’ve been thinking on this point a lot lately and wanted to wait until the thought completed itself before I posted. I think its finally come full circle. As a feeling person in 2016 I find it frustrating that people simply don’t ask for things that they want or desire or even NEED. There have been a lot of times recently when I’ve found myself extremely frustrated when someone has rationalized or explained how a given situation, outcome, or series of events would be beneficial for this thing or that person when all they truly want is a favorable outcome for themselves. It boils down that people are just deathly afraid to ask for the things they desire in life. I was asking myself “WHY?” Why is it so hard to just say:
“I’m tired and would like to go home soon if that’s possible.”
“I’m overwhelmed can you please not seat my section.”
“Sundays are the only day I can be with my family. Can I have off?”
These are all examples from a restaurant but its an every day occurrence in all realms. After thinking about how frustrating it was I turned around and looked in the mirror. Do I do the same thing? Absolutely. The truth is that we ALL do it. Because we’ve been taught that we always have to have reasons and that asking for things makes us selfish. Then I discovered a new truth.
Its OK to ask for things! You’re going to get a variation of three basic answers: yes, no, or not yet. Its that simple. There’s no need to prove that your request is important with all this rationalization. We all want and need things and there is not a single thing wrong with asking for it. And it doesn’t make us selfish or self centered either. We are so afraid of no that we cant even ask. And that’s silly. Its not rejection to here the word “no”. It simply means that the request isn’t in alignment with the asker and the askee. I believe that respect of the answer from both parties is a powerful relationship building tool.
The way you phrase a request is ultimately most important. A respectful ask is a rapport building tool that connects people. “Will you do something for me?” is my new form of asking. Sure people can say no, but that’s life. We all need to be better askers instead of being resentful that our wants and needs aren’t magically met like someone has x-ray goggles into the psyche. Communication and mutual respect can propel us forward in connecting and emoting with everyone around us.